How's It Goin', Miss Alma?

The Old Man is thinking about his Mom today. Were she still operating in this dimension, this would be her 105th birthday. We'd probably take her out for pizza. She loved "pizza pie". Shocked us one year when she ordered a beer to go with her "pie". I always thought Mom was a strict tee-totaller up until then. So we joined her......after all, no one should drink alone. I was about half way through my glass when she poured herself a second from the small pitcher. For a predictable, habit-driven, organization freak (this said with greatest respect and admiration) she always had a surprise up her often mended sleeve.

Mother was frugal. A child of rural "gettin' by" culture and a first hand witness to the Great Depression, she could squeeze more usefulness out of an object than anyone I've known....ever.
She would collect old neckties that friends wanted to throw away and make throw pillows out of them. She could get more use out of a chicken than the chicken could. She dealt in home remedies for most of the common ailments (she pronounced them 'ail-i-ments') and we were much the better for it. She would buy a canned ham in July because it was on special and save it until she could cook my birthday dinner in November. She kept some "smokes" in the kitchen cabinet and would fire one up after supper when she and Dad rested on the front porch.

She was a crack shot. Before I came along and redirected her focus, she and Dad would hunt rabbits and squirrels together, shoot skeet, and take Old Jake the bird dog to field trials. I still have her shotgun. It hadn't been fired for at least 30 years so a while back I took it to a turkey shoot. The old single shot 20 gauge belched and boomed and I couldn't help but feel a connection to her. Mom loved to fish. We would go fishing almost every weekend during the summer. Always on Saturday; after all, no decent person would defile the Sabbath by such pursuits. Every time her bobber would dive, she'd squeal with delight. Dad would say, "Bring 'em in, Babe."

She was one to confront a problem head-on. I recall one Saturday morning, she decided that our old car needed a face lift. So...out came the brushes. That's right, she painted the car top to bottom with black enamel; all of it brushed carefully on. As I remember, it didn't look too bad. Of course that was before Candy Apple Red was even thought of.

But beyond the frugality, the sportsmanship, and the proactive approach to life, I think my favorite part of Miss Alma was her sense of humor. I'm eternally in her debt for passing that gene on to me. There were 3 jokes that were her all-time favorites, and she would repeat them to anyone whom she thought hadn't heard them before. So as her tribute on this her 105th, here they are:

"Do you know the 3 parts of a cook stove? Lifter, leg, and poker"

"Have you ever been bedridden? No but I have twice in a buggy."

"Did you hear about the 3 moles going through their tunnel? The first mole said, 'I smell biscuits". The 2nd mole said, 'I smell butter'. And the 3rd mole said, 'I smell molasses."

I hope you and Dad enjoy your day, Mom. We miss you.