The Knee Replacement Blues

The Old Man has been busy.  There has been a lot going on around here for the past several months.  Miss Martha and I have been in preparation for her total knee replacement surgery.  There are a lot of things to take care of before a major event like this.  Her surgery was on January 13th.  And yes, it was indeed a Friday.

A word here about Miss Martha.  She has exhibited a quiet and gentle strength through all of this process that is an inspiration to our daughters and to me.  She truly has "the right stuff".  I am blessed.

For those unfamiliar with this surgery, suffice to say the actual operation is a relatively quick one.  A couple of hours and you're back into the world of the living.  The after-story is quite something else.  There is a great deal of pain and an unfathomable amount of hard work and physical therapy.  She came home with a device that her leg was strapped into for 6 hours every day.  This thing slowly flexed her leg constantly, increasing the amount of flex by several degrees each day until she reached a 90 degree bend.  It's called a CPM machine....our name for it rhymed with "witch".  She said at least I didn't wear an executioner's hood and robe when I came into the room to set her up in it.

But she's turned the corner.  Her outpatient physical therapy will begin in a few days, and the machine went away.  Thanks be for all our friends who have kept us supplied with meals.  At least, she didn't have to suffer from very much of my plebeian attempts at cooking.  While I pose no threat to any of the current Grammy contenders, I wrote this little song to commemorate the event.  Enjoy!

The Knee Replacement Blues

(Sung to the tune of Folsom Prison Blues)

I hear the walker scraping

It’s comin’ down the hall.

Martha’s on the move again

I pray she doesn’t fall.

She had a knee replacement,

And time keeps dragging on.

She’s got lots of swelling,

It wakes her up at dawn.

The walker is a bother.

But it helps her motivate.

And when she gets some better,

To a cane she’ll graduate.

She’s coping like a trooper

And eating Tylenol.

But she’s off the Oxycodone

And dreaming of the mall.

The Old Man’s washing dishes

And nuking little plates.

Doin’ two-step with the dust mop

Runnin’ the vacuum that he hates.

She had a knee replacement

And folks come dropping in.

They bring food and goodies

This fight we’re gonna win.