The Old Man is trying to not get caught in the emotional quicksand otherwise known as, "The race for the White House". Oh, I confess, I like to toss an occasional stink-bomb into a political discussion on social media from time to time just to see who runs for cover, or who will begin to joust at the windmill, but beyond that, I'll pull the lever as I see fit when the time comes. Forget the sumo wrestling known as "campaigning".
My inner workings, however, must not have gotten the memo. There's plenty of conflict and contention there. My back keeps playing and singing, "The Old Stenosis Blues". Aleve is good, but it's often about as effective as rolled-up windows at a stoplight next to one of those cars that go, "WHOMP-WHUMP-WHAMP" with a bass speaker the size of Donald Trump's comb-over.
So my search for lasting relief has led me to investigate some alternatives to the familiar. Acupuncture is my current experiment.
Now, I'm a traditional, conservative type of person. If it gets any further out than John Wayne and Audie Murphy, maybe with a little Clint Eastwood thrown in for good measure, my comfort level starts to nag at me like a three year old in the candy aisle. Let me try to explain my understanding of what's going on in my body.
It seems that my life force is in a constant state of flux. This is called my "chi". Inside of that life force are two equal but polar opposites called "yin" and "yang". I think I understand that my yin is pissed at my yang and chi is running around haphazardly wringing it's little hands going, "What to do, what to do?".
Several thousand years ago, some Chinese folks figured out that it was possible to haul yin and yang to the woodshed for an attitude adjustment by sticking some needles in selected places on the body. I do wonder how that idea took root. In my more cynical moments, I envision a robed-up guy saying, "Ah.....Grasshopper. We make back feel better by stick thorns in foot."
So, off we go......into the "puncture palace". It's a pleasant enough room; an examining table and minimal furniture. The acupuncture specialist listens as I describe my symptoms. She then says, "Take off shoes and socks". Uh......it's my back. OK, I get it, this is the "grasshopper moment". Then she instructs me to, "Undo belt and pants but keep on and lay on stomach". Now, this is more like it.
She begins to insert the needles. I lost count at 8 plus the one in each heel. The big surprise was the absence of pain. I anticipated little bee stings but instead got what felt like a little "thump".
She said, "Now I hook up electrodes". SAY WHAT! "Electrodes to make little tingle.....tell me when you feel".
I heard a "click" and my butt did the Boo-ga-loo, the Watusi, and the Bristol Stomp all at once.
"I dial back", she said. Then she said, "Maybe take nap", turned off the light and left the room. I was alone with my thoughts. I could just envision a kid opening the door by mistake and saying, "Look Mommie, it's a bald porcupine"!
An hour later, she was back, unhooked me from the open circuit, and removed the needles. She gave me some stretching exercises and sent me on my way with a promise to return next week.
Is it helping? A guarded "yes". So I'll follow the plan to give it a fair chance until I'm better or until I spring a leak.
Busy Getting Ready
8 years ago
