Which One Was Hootchie and Which One Was Cootchie?

The Old Man could never tell the difference. Every so often in Bedford the carnival would rattle and clang it's way into town. Then would begin one of the grandest weeks in a kid's life. There were several monumental events in the Battalion's existence: Christmas, the last day of school, the day The Lake opened, and carnival week.

We'd watch the ragged collection of jalopy trucks chug and grunt their way through town and over to the fairgrounds, trailing blue smoke the whole way. An occasional backfire would liven things up even further. We'd marvel at the years' accumulation of grime and rust on the vehicles and wonder how the brightly painted loads they carried could hold such magic. Sometimes, we'd ride our bikes over to watch them set up......never getting too close because stories were always told by our parents of how somewhere some kids got too close and when the carnival left town.......well you get the idea. Parental head games.

There was always one day that was designated "School Day". Schools would close at lunch time and kids could ride for half price. This was huge; second only to the last day of school. All the rides were running full bore, but most of the side show tents were quiet. "Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy" must have been resting. Those two girls, Hootchie and her friend Cootchie must have been enjoying nap time as well.

On our recent trip to the beach, the young folks among us went to the amusement park. They had a "blast", but somehow, I fear it just wouldn't seem the same to me. For example, the rides. Now they all have names; "Tilt-A-Whirl" (sounds like it should be said by Julia Childs) or even "Arctic Express"(I guess because it's painted white). Back in the day it was simply called, "The Whip". Well named because it was designed to rearrange several of your vertebrae and turn even the strongest into Bobble Heads. How about the "Eggbeater"? This was a fiendish device that looked like a shaft with a giant watermelon on each end. When you crawled into this thing, you gave your heart to Jesus because it had the rest of you. The shaft spun (like the hands on a cosmic clock) and while it was spinning, the 'watermelons' , with you inside, were spinning in opposite directions. Then the whole thing would reverse and your stomach went into full rebellion. The "Swings" were cool. Swing seats attached to long chains gave a pleasant and peaceful opportunity to regain composure after the Eggbeater. With the bravado of youth, it never occurred to us that should a chain break, they would probably find us in Tulsa.

When we went at night, the side-shows were going full speed. We made it in to see Jo Jo (stuffed) and we watched the "Wild Man of Borneo" eat a live chicken, followed up by a light bulb for desert. I remember wondering, "how bad was his last job?". The barker's preview that fascinated us the most was the one we least understood. These two girls in Arabian Nights costumes would come out on a stage. Then the barker would shout, "Step right up...she wiggles, she jiggles, she crawls on her belly like a reptile!" I remember thinking, "Why would I want to see that?" A few years later, I figured it out.

Some things, though, are still the same.....that wonderful carnival food; big red candied apples, spinning cotton candy, and the best of the best, the hot dog grill. That's one trick of the carnival trade that truly works. Always grill onions. The aroma of grilling onions will cause rapid onset hot-dog-fever even if I've just left Ruth's Chris.

I'm not much on today's Super Parks. They tend to be overpriced, overdone, and lack that aura of forbidden mystery. I love the old-fashioned, "pitch-til-you-win", "a prize every time", "come on mister, show that young lady you care" carnival. I want to be caught up in the smell of grilling onions and peppers, and have sticky, gooey red 'stuff' running down my chin from the apple. So raise a glass to Hootchie and to Cootchie. Here's hoping they don't get splinters.