At Least It Wasn't Liver Loaf

The Old Man will eat just about anything. There are only two things that are forever banned from crossing my lips; Cottage Cheese and Buttermilk. Not now, not then, not ever. Most everything else is fair game, so I don't pose many dietary challenges. Grew up that way....ate what was served.
Christmas when I was a child brought all sorts of wondrous adventures into the land of Bedford gourmet dining. We were always at home on Christmas day and relatives came for lunch and celebration, so, a week or so before Christmas, Mom would begin her assault on the Christmas menu.

First order of business was to drive a nail into the coconut "eyes" to drain the milk. Then, while I stood around looking up at her like a blue-tic hound in a butcher shop, the coconut meat was grated and she would slip me a little chunk. What I didn't get, she used to make the finest coconut cake on earth. Mom was legend for her coconut cake. Even though it's been 50 years since she made one, I can still taste it in my mind.

Another "must" was a delightful concoction they refered to as "Ambrosia". As I recall, it had orange sections, grated coconut, and maybe a cherry or two thrown in for color. Certainly in the custom of the day, it was heavily laced with sugar. That was before sugar became bad for you.

Of course fruit cake, hermit cake, nuts, and ham and turkey filled out the groaning board. There was, however, one food that I could never figure out. It was some sort of evil, slimey mess they called "Tapioca Puddin". I don't know what tapioca is, but when she sat it down in front of me, it looked like a thousand eyes staring at me. Translucent little orbs that reminded me of fish roe given off when Dad and I cleaned our catch. Wave some at me today and I might run.

The star of the Christmas Lunch Show were the oysters. Fried up just right and piled high on the plate, these were the Jewels of the Orient and the Hope Diamond of the food world. In that day, oysters were a little harder to come-by inland than they are today, so they were reserved for special occasions. I still love them and will jump through hoops of fire for good ones. I'll take them any way you serve them......straight from the water, fried, grilled, steamed, you name it. I'm the Bubba-Gump of oysters.

Once at a social event, roasted oysters were being served in a casual setting. I was in my bliss-state just eating away. One woman became quite vocal in her editorializing to me.....lots of "Euww, how can you eat those things?" sort of comments. I took it for a while and then decided to counterattack. "Well," I said, "We were really poor when I was a child and our meals were pretty plain. Once a year, though at Christmas time, Dad would buy an oyster...just one. Mom would tie a string around it and Dad would go first. He would swallow the oyster, then pull the string to get it back out and pass it over to Mom. I got third try." Now by this time, this lady was beginning to pale. I continued, "I'd come home the next day from school and ask Mom 'What's for dinner?'. She'd answer, 'Well, we're gonna eat the oyster again."

No more problem with the lady. I could dine in peace.

God willing, we'll have oysters again this year on Christmas day, but we shouldn't need any string. There will be bounty as always, and as always, I'll have a moment where I take a mental moment to savor Miss Alma's coconut cake.